my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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