Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
