oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
