Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
