Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
