Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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