in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
