this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
