Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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