my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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