Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
