Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
