Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
