I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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