RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
