You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
