guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
