So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
