What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
