I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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