Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Randomize
