So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
