whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
