I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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