So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
