so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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