I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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