dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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