I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
