And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
