the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
