Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
