My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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