Quick, to the slutcave!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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