you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
