If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
