good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
