I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
