Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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