Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
