I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
