You made me cry and you don't even care
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
