Screwed.edu
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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