Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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