well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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