Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
