This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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