so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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