Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
wow bdsm is so cute
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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