New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
