She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
