I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
