I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
